


When goodbye is only thing you have left

by SonataNocturne



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Random & Short, Randomness, Sad, Slash, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 11:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18150980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonataNocturne/pseuds/SonataNocturne
Summary: Sometimes it's best to end it, even if it hurts like hell. They both knew there was no turning back now.





	When goodbye is only thing you have left

\-------------

 

 

 

“So this is the end then”, Tyler mumbled, his voice dark with sadness.

 

“As you said”, Josh answered watching as the wall got painted with the setting sun’s rays.

 

“That wasn’t really an answer.”

 

“It wasn’t. But what more do you want me to say?” Josh frowned but didn’t turn around. He could feel Tyler staring at his bare back but he didn’t want to see the eyes that would be filled with excuses and apologies.

 

“I don’t know. It just feels….” Tyler sighed.

 

“Final”, Josh swallowed thickly. He knew there was no going back.

 

“Sometimes… sometimes everything is not enough.”

 

"Yeah. I did... give everything", Josh mumbled his fingers fiddling with the sheets.

 

"So you did", Tyler answered, his eyes catching the sun rays now too. Soon it would be dark, but he always loved the last minutes of sunset.

 

"What if..."

 

“Josh…” Tyler said but the rest got stuck in his throat. How could he ever convey his feelings when he really had started it after all. He was paralysed. Josh’s form in front of him just begging to be touched and he reluctant to do the initiative, because it would be the last one.

 

“It’s not… “ Josh shook his head forgetting that Tyler didn't care. And he shouldn’t care either, "Now it's just down to... who hurts more and who manages to pick himself up quicker."

 

"I don't think there was really never  _us_ ", Tyler turned his gaze back to Josh's back, noticing how he flinched. The truth hurt but he had to say it. Make sure  _it_  was really dead so it couldn't be brought back to life.

 

"I loved you... more than anything. More than myself", Josh swallowed again, fighting the urge to turn around and touch Tyler. Just to feel him one last time.

 

"Sometimes love isn't enough either."

 

"Yeah. Can you..." Josh started but realized then how stupid it was.

 

"No. You know I can't", Tyler answered instantly. Josh was about to ask him to stay, but he couldn't. Because it would hurt so much more if he would stay one more night.

 

"I know that."

 

But Tyler couldn’t help it. Without giving it even a second thought he reached his hand and touched Josh’s back. Just fingertips brushing it softly. Josh bit down to his lip and shivered. He had missed touching Josh so much. And he would never feel it again.

 

“Okay I need to leave”, Tyler said abruptly and sat up.

 

“Please. Not… yet”, Josh turned around and grabbed his arm.

 

“Josh…” Tyler sighed heavily. “We are friends now.”

 

“I feel like… we're not even that. But it doesn’t mean that we couldn’t…” Josh swallowed thickly. Why was it so hard suddenly? He could see that Tyler felt sorry for him. He hated the pity. But if that was the last thing he could get, he would take it happily.

 

Tyler leaned over him bringing their lips together. Josh could taste the goodbye. It was bitter and strong and only reminded him of all those happy times. When there was nothing else in his world that Tyler. The hands that trailed down his sides made his skin tingle. He clenched his fists, trying not to let the emotions take control. Feeling how Tyler frowned as he whimpered he reminded himself that it was just a fuck. It never had been just a fuck, but now it was.

 

“Just… don’t cry”, Tyler mumbled knowing the words were in vain. He could almost see the tears already.

 

Josh wasn’t even paying attention to Tyler pulling down his pants and grabbing the lube. Those eyes that conveyed how much Tyler still wanted to leave were the only thing he could focus on. He wondered would it be easier if Tyler would have said he hated him. Even if he would have lied and he himself would have known it was a lie. Pretending they would carry on with friends hurt more. Thinking how he could never get that back he closed his eyes as Tyler pushed in and squeezed the fingers around his waist.

 

Gasping for air Josh forced himself to unclench his fists and slowly wrap his arms around Tyler. Like scared the touch would bring the emotions to the surface and make them explode. But he needed it as much as he knew how it would make it all just harder. Just one more time before it was over.

 

“I was thinking…” he gasped when Tyler picked up the speed.

 

“Don’t. Be quiet”, the other shook his head. Words would hurt just as much as the tears.

 

Josh bit down to his lips and closed his eyes again, forcing the thoughts to stay inside his head. Tyler didn’t care. But why should he even?

 

Loud moan filled the room when Tyler nailed the spot inside him. The pleasure was burning in his veins and he realised how bad idea it really was. It was only making it worse, intensifying his sadness. Swallowing down the tears he tried to focus to the ragged breath on his neck. Or the hard cock pounding in him. Or even the fingers that were still on his waist, nails digging into his skin. Anything else than the feeling of his heart breaking.

 

The other leaned up letting Josh wrap his legs around him. Squeezing hard, trying to pull him deeper. Tyler felt like suffocating. He shouldn't have given up. He should have just left.

 

Every thrust closer to the climax was also a moment closer to the end of them. Even when Josh was flying high, the euphoria blurring his mind, the tears started to fall. And he knew how much Tyler hated to see him cry. But there was no  _them_  anymore, so it shouldn’t matter.

 

Tyler swallowed thickly and closed his eyes. Josh felt amazing, as he always did. But he couldn’t watch that beautiful face now as the tears rolled down the cheeks. Not when he knew it was his fault and he still couldn’t do anything to make it better.

 

 

Josh choked, trying to fight the feeling away. How could he ever be alone again when all he knew was how to be with Tyler? He was caught between the two emotions. The unbearable sadness and the bliss, making him overwhelmed. It was one final time, but it was also over way too soon. Or maybe that was the reason. Josh would have wanted it to last. So long that they both could forget why it was ending in the first place.

 

As Tyler climaxed pulling him with too, he realised that either way he would put it was more than the end for  _them_. It was also the end of an era in his life. Another chapter finished. A thing he had to learn to live with.

 

“I told you not to cry”, Tyler murmured wiping the salty tears away with his thumbs from Josh's cheeks.

 

“Sorry.”

 

"I should have known. Horrible idea."

 

"I don't think I will ever love again", Josh mumbled not daring to open his eyes. Tyler was again staring at him. He knew it. The worried eyes scanning his features, trying to find a way to say the last words.

 

"There is more than that in life. I wish I... God, Josh. I really need to go. I can hear your heart breaking. With every word I say. It just makes it worse. And it makes it so much worse when it's my fault."

 

"Just promise me you won't forget me."

 

Tyler let out a heavy sigh and shook his head, "Look at me. Why would I? Maybe it would have been better if we would have never had a thing, but it doesn't mean I regret it. I could never forget you."

 

Again fighting back the tears Josh stared at those beautiful eyes wondering would ever stop hurting. Because either way, he could never forget Tyler either. Not even if he now wanted.

 

Kissing his lips softly Tyler got up to his feet and started to put on his clothes. Quickly, knowing that he had to get out.

 

"I loved you so much", Josh said as Tyler got himself ready and just stood there like he didn't know what to do next.

 

 

Tyler wondered why it couldn't be easier. Why did he have to be the one to break Josh's heart.

 

"I loved you so much too", he answered then hand resting on the door handle.

 

"Goodbye."

 

"Yeah", the other mumbled and stepped out. Too many goodbyes, too much pain.

 

And as the door shut after Tyler Josh knew it was forever. He wouldn't see Tyler ever again.

 

 

\---------------

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and reviews are also greatly appreciated.


End file.
